Dogs CAN Look Up

Zombies are a problem. It's a fact. And at one point or another you are going to have to deal with those zombies. Will you be prepared? You better fucking hope so. Other wise you will be eaten alive. And I can assure you... that would not be fun. But wait. You can survive. And I'm going to tell you how. Having dealt with zombies before I can tell you, that while frightening, exhausting, and sometimes amusing, zombie survival might not be as hard as you think. So... I've composed a list of a few steps that you should take in order to keep your brain intact.

#1. Collect knives. Any kind. Machetes, butcher knives, swords, daggers, and if you just so happen to be named Ash.. a chainsaw. Blades come in handy because they are very affective and you don't have to reload them. Think about it. And besides... jumping around like a ninja while slicing zombie limbs off with a Katana sword is about as bad ass as it can get. (Warning: Do not try this.)

#2. Stock up on water. Water is essential in survival. You can live longer on water than you can food. And the bottles can also be re reused. A water bottle with gunpowder and a fuse... yeah. (Warning: Take food.)

#3. Rope. Make sure you have rope. You never know. It helped sailors cross the seas so it might just help you. How else are you going to get up the side of that 3 story building? (Warning: Do not try to climb up a 3 story building.)

#4. Light source. Such as a flashlight. This will come in handy, say... in the dark. And when it gets dark, shit gets crazy. And if you get ambushed in the middle of the night you want to be able to find that machete as quick as possible. If you have a weapon you may even attach a flash light to it. Why not? (Warning: By killing zombies you may or may not incur the wrath of God, as zombies are only assumed evil.)

#5. Gasoline. You can carry it in water bottles! You may need it for many reasons. Starting a fire, fueling a vehicle to safety, a torch, burning corpses, or throwing down a flight of stairs. (Warning: Do not throw gas down a flight of stairs... that's just dumb.)

#6. Guns and ammo. Guns are are always good to have. And they're fun. I can assure you it is 10 times easier to kill a zombie with an assault rifle than it is a butcher knife. So if you can get a hold of guns... do it. And always remember to stock up on ammo and ration what you have. You don't have to fill a zombie with holes. Just a shot to the head will most likely do it. (Warning: While guns can save you from an apocalyptic zombie attack, never operate firearms without proper training.)
#7. Get off the ground. Zombies roam around on ground level looking for people to infect. So stay up high. Rooftops are a good example. But be sure to barricade all entrances to that rooftop if you do so. You might even want to try trees. Or a ladder. I mean, I wouldn't... but shit, you never know until you try. And at least trying sounds better than dying right? (Warning: Zombies may or may not be intelligent, and it is not safe to assume that they are unable to climb.)

#8. Use automobiles whenever possible. Vehicles can cover more ground in less amount of time. Bicycles would be good but that is a lot of energy wasted. And you don't want that. If there is not a total path of destruction on the roads you might want to try a motorcycle. They are quick, and don't waste a lot of fuel. Another key note when in an automobile is to pay attention to the amount of fuel you have. You don't want to run out of gas in the middle a zombie infested neighborhood. (Warning: Zombies may or may not be able to drive which could result in destruction.)

#9. First Aid. Always have a first aid kit. Injury's will happen in the event of a zombie breakout. There is no way around this. Now if you are bitten by a zombie, a first aid kit is pretty useless and you are fucked. (Warning: A first aid kit is not going to ensure that you survive a zombie attack.)

#10. Medication. Why? Because if you believe any of this shit you have a problem. (Warning: Medications do not fix everything.)